After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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