There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
