i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
