I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
