JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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