Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
