Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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