in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
