"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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