I could make wine with my vomit
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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