Your face is a jimmy john
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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