can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
