What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
