5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
