he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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