I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
