is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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