So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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