I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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