I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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