I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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