If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
