We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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