Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
