4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
