yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
