Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
