(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
