I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
