I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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