Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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