And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
