She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
