Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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