I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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