i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
