she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
