if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
