Pregnant stripper...not hot.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
