I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
smell my finger.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
