We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
