Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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