Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
