Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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