jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
