I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
