Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
