Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
