So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
