well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
