I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
